“I wanted this story to soften me."

“Our deepest bonds often belong to the thing we most vehemently sever ourselves from.”

— Feeding Ghosts

September.

Thank you.

Funny enough. I feel the clarity now, even with just a month of distance. Even being still in the “thick of it”. But-

Truth:

September has been one of the most honest months I’ve lived in a while.

I’m really glad.
So glad.

I felt the Europe Basel me. From inside out. Outside in. Me. Sentient non-sentient connections.
The sense of deep deep fulfilment even alongside the solitude.

Except this time: also—belonging. Presence.

Such a blessed community and real, real connections with myself, through myself, through people. Through noticing. So many precious people. So many tiny moments of real magic. Real space - pauses, silences, listening, hearing, feeling the transmission of that energy—of shared humanness. That’s all. That’s all.

I feel — the coming back to something. So true.

The true journey back:

The home within that I rebuild. To take up space to process, to think, to not think. To just exist. So many drawings and dancing and foods and walks and water and sky and leaves. Stillness. Movement. All. All of it. The gifts to myself. And thus to others. The immense generosity of this world. The tenderness. The courage— to not only embrace the pain, the softness, but: the Joy. The terrific terrible terrifying Joy.

Making meaning in the infinite, meaningful loop. That’s all.

All my relations.

Thank you.

“I wanted this story to soften me.
To get me to a place where I could feel it rather than just analyze it.”

— Feeding Ghosts

Sticky notes
(in no particular order):

Anchor in connection.

Boundaries.

“Thank you for sharing that with me.
I’m so glad you told me.”

“Be cautious of thinking/acting our emotions without feeling them.”

”The courage to walk alongside others.”

“Don’t look away.
Don’t look down.
Don’t pretend not to see hurt.
Look people in the eye.
Even when their pain is overwhelming.
And when you’re hurting and in pain,
Find the people who can look you in the eye.”

I will stay soft.
I will stay open.

Touch something soft.

It’s not fear that gets in the way of courage.
It’s armour.

Feeling things.
Moving through things.
Rewriting notes.

You can still refrain for yourself.
Accept (his) pain.

You will also need to forgive yourself.

I will not inflict on others-
The pain that has been inflicted on me.
I will fortify, refortify-
But not harden my heart.
I will feel it, -
And move through it.

Be here.
Be present.
Connect.

It’s okay to linger a bit.

When to voice.
When to share.

“You do not have to be Good.”

Don’t try to forget—what has been damaged.

It’s okay. write it down.
Remember. feel.
Then let go.

Stick to the plan.

It’s a rolling hill.

Be aware - if you’re anchoring yourself in your sadness.

Review. Rewrite.
Your mantras.
Honour. Protect.
Your silence.
Smile. Breathe.
Let go.

Take care.
Of people you love.

“With an adventurous heart and the right maps, we can travel anywhere and never fear losing ourselves. Even when we don’t know where we are. ”

— Atlas of the Heart

Some Atlas of the Heart (Brené Browning) notes:

“Vulnerability is not over sharing. It’s sharing with people who have earned the right to hear our stories and experiences.”

“We are meaning makers, and a sense of place is central to meaning making.”

“The power of naming.
Open up that language portal so we can share the stories of our bravest and most heartbreaking moments with each other in a way that builds connection.”

Language does more than just communicate emotion, it can shape what we’re feeling.”

“How to choose ourselves—
Over making other people comfortable.

I am responsible for holding you accountable in a respectful and productive way.
I am not responsible for your emotional reaction to that accountability.”

“Let the people you love
Experience—
The consequences of their own behaviour.”

“Judgemental towards my own resentment
Resenting my resentment
Struggling with my struggle”

“I need time for my confusion”

— Atlas of the Heart

The power of knowing what you don’t know.

Uncertainty is also a kind of self-awareness.
Acknowledging uncertainty is a function of grounded confidence and humility.

*the ability to rethink and unlearn*

Grief.

The central process in grieving is the attempt to reaffirm or reconstruct a world of meaning that has been challenged by loss.

Loss
Longing
Lost—
Yearning for wholeness, for understanding, for meaning.
For the opportunity to regain or simply touch what we’ve lost.

“A need for their grief to be witnessed. Not someone trying to lessen it or reframe it. Rather for someone to be fully present to the magnitude of their loss without trying to point out the silver lining.”