Phantasiai and Mnemosyne “Fantasy and Memory”

“There are periods when you exist beyond the context of time and fact and reality. Moments when memory carries you buoyant beyond all things, and life exists as fragments and shards of being, when you see yourself as you were and will be again -sacred, whole and shining.”

— Richard Wagamese

Once again, LAMP has nurtured our hearts. The warmth, the sincerity and generosity, the laughter and joy and cozy dinner parties alongside peaceful walks in solitude and late night practicing in the “Old Castle”. I was asked by a dear host why I keep returning to LAMP. Well, there’s the indisputable level of musicianship here that continues to inspire and drive me to perform at my best, but so much more than that are the relationships. The details in the intimate, personal, real experience we have here as people, friends, family. Community. I love community. I love.

Okay, am I a broken record? Yes, and no. These are the values we can recognize and repeat to ourselves day and again. The sense of purpose and gratitude that defines our core. The simple things we’re supposed to know but have to constantly reminding ourselves of.

Remember to remember.

That’s the wisdom.

That’s what this particular concert has been about.

Daring to feel, to open, to remember.

“Remember to Remember. This is what Old Man said to me one time. Returning myself to innocence, my original power. Remember to remember. He meant for me, throughout my day, to recall that I’ve taken the time to pray, to give thanks, to ask for a return to humility. Remember to remember. When I do that, everyone and everything I encounter becomes the beneficiary. It’s a good teaching - as long as I remember.”

— Richard Wagamese

I first designed this program in honour of Scriabin’s 150th anniversary. A composer whose music, poetry, vision, passion, mysticism I was enthralled by on such an instinctual, primal level. Then, as I began to revisit some old favourites, the memories and emotions also became rushing back. Music has such immense power in triggering nostalgia. It can immediately bring us back to a certain place or time in our lives. The people we were with, the people we loved, the people we were.

I realized that, for the longest time, I couldn’t play the first piece on this program, Scriabin’s Fantasy Op.28 because of its associations with a difficult and emotional period of my life. I’ve since then closed off so much of those feelings, skillfully willed myself into forgetting them, not just the painful ones, but even more so the tender and warm and sweet ones as well.

So, this program has become a musical journey to process and honour memory. To allow me to open up to my vulnerabilities, allow me to feel and to remember. And then, hopefully, grow.

“It’s all about opening, really. When I open myself to the world and its possibilities - even its hurts - i become whole. When when I choose to close, my life becomes fraught with struggle. Everything I do becomes about shielding myself rather than inviting good energy to fill me. Everything is energy, so I try to let the negative pass through me, rather than holding onto it. ”

— Richard Wagamese

And it was a beautiful journey that the audience embarked on together with me. I felt it. Together we reflected on our personal, private worlds - “Who were you with 10 years ago? Where were you? What were you doing? How did you feel?” We felt the support, the camaraderie, the sense of understanding - coming from all walks of life, all parts of the world, all different backgrounds and experiences, yet we know, we feel each other, we all have something in our memory to process, cherish, release, honour, remember. A memory to remember. That’s precious.

Next, for the Mazurkas, we had a beautiful collaboration with three local Nova Scotia poets who recited a poem of their own in pairing with each Mazurka. Carole Glasser Langille read “To the Young Poet” from Your Turn, Janet Barkhouse - “Autumn” from Salt Fires, and Michelle Elrick “We Were Seals” (unpublished). I was so touched by how warmly and enthusiastically these writers responded when my most wondrous host Marion helped put us in contact. Within an afternoon, we were sharing music and poetry to incorporate into my recital.

I love. I love this movement. Hearing, listening, paying attention to the voices from within the community we claim we are trying to reach. Actually, no it’s not about reaching, right? It’s an exchange, it’s the engagement, the love and kindness and humility of accepting gifts just as often as we give them.

“I’ve been considering the phrase “all my relations” for some time now. It’s hugely important. It’s our saving grace in the end. It points to the truth that we are all related, that we are all connected, that we all belong to each other. The most important word is “all.” Not just those who look like me, sing like me, dance like me, speak like me, pray like me or behave like me. ALL my relations. That means every person, just as it means every rock, mineral. blade of grass, and creature. We live because everything else does. If we were to choose collectively to live that teaching the energy of our change of consciousness would heal each of us—and heal the planet.”

— Richard Wagamese

For Dvorak’s Poetic Tone Pictures, I again incorporated a fairytale MAD LIB, an all time favorite activity of mine to bring some playfulness to the stage. I love the experience of creating something together that can only be made possible by us being together in that very moment, that very same time and space, being moved by the same emotions and energy, and in this particular case, the infamous ghost of LAMP!

What I love about fairytales is not only their simplicity and magic, but also their grotesque cuteness. The horror, the drama, the mischief. So, the MAD LIB is an invitation for us to have fun with our imagination. Be weird. Be random. Silly. Ridiculous. Absurd. To see with a child’s eyes, curious and full of wonder.

And what a hilarious bizarre story we created - a special LAMP memento. The alicorn and the red pianist with their silver feather flying on an exploding tomato to the top of Zanzibar! (YES, that’s the summary).

Finally, we concluded with one of my all-time favourites, Scriabin’s Sonata No.4 and Scriabin’s own poetry.

Once again, I want to thank LAMP and all the people that make LAMP such a special place to grow and explore and learn and be challenged all the while enjoying what life and community and nature and art and love has to offer.

Okay, cheesy spiel over, for now.

Next, off to Nice~!