My heart is warmed by your sourdough bread song
I’ve been going through a real rough patch recently.
The series of lemons thrown at me by life all at once is making me spiral into the depth of self-questioning and chaos and oblivion. I feel like I am constantly putting out fires, literally, given that I almost set the whole house in flames last week.
But along the way of this vortex of sadness and exhaustion and paralysis, there have also been so many instances of beautiful light and warmth that have pulled me back to the surface. The Secret Santa with my housemates, the new recipes I’ve tried, the music and celebration with my trio, the support of my incredible friends + heartwarming soup dumplings …
One of the most endearing moments, though, was last night at an intimate house concert given by my friend Caleb Smith and his brother Nathan Smith. I was so worn out and my heart so heavy and bitter when I dragged myself out to this event … but wow am I grateful I went.
From the second the music began, the resonance and warmth filled up the entire space. I was completely captivated. Completely present in that moment. I became hyper aware of everything around me, of the changes in my own spirit and mood. And when Caleb began to sing … the clarity and sincerity of each sound, each word, the communication of all the emotions, the soft flickering of the candle light, the smell of sweet fruity white wine, the smile inside. It was the most peaceful and yet alive and fuzzy my heart has felt in such a long time.
The love songs Caleb wrote were incredibly touching, so raw and sensitive and personal and full of vulnerabilities and honesty and sentimentality. I ate that stuff up. His voice was just mesmerizing has such a unique expressive quality … I could really feel the depth of those emotions.
When Nathan took over with the songs he wrote, though, it was a completely different atmosphere that really opened up my heart in a new way. The fiddling and bluegrass/country style of music brought so much lightness and joy and somehow reminded me to connect with life again in a more grounded, simple yet meaningful way. I adored the lyrics of his songs - the stories they tell, the settings they illustrate and bring to life, countryside sceneries, a tribute to family and friends and completely real relatable experiences. That was such a different concept and approach than the music I study as a classical musician.
What was particularly remarkable, I was thinking to myself, is the different functions of different genres of music, and presentational methods and settings. The night before this, I went to a brilliant solo classical recital by my good friend and talented pianist Jui-Sheng Li that was artistically powerful in a completely different way. The concert hall setting, the depth of detail and colors and hard work and sophistication and passion, that was all stimulating and inspiring and captivating.
But in contrast, how equally yet differently refreshing and touching it is … to just tap your feet along to a song about sourdough bread. About the market day. About a farm barn, about the heartbreak on Highway 11. About a sailor boy. About grandpa’s waltz. How absolutely sweet and heartwarming and deep that is equally to just bring us closer to the simple joys and reflections and experiences in life. It doesn’t always have to be life and death and transcendent philosophical psychological abstract ponderings.
I couldn’t stop smiling.
I love sourdough bread and farmers markets so much. I want to go sit at those lakes. I wanna dance in a barn with my sweetheart.
The magical sense of connection and community that was created, the intimacy of that contact and those lyrics and stories, being so up close to those facial expressions, the acoustics of the bass and guitar and violin resonating and surrounding me, the personal anecdotes, the comfy couch and pillows and fluffy blankets, the laughter and joy. The realness of everything being shared.
Much food for thought.
I rarely get to experience this kind of live music. I’ve always felt a special love and connection for house concerts, and enjoy other genres of music, but the atmosphere created in that living room last night by these wonderful human beings sharing their art and bringing so much valuable emotions truly truly restored my heart and fed my spirit, that was something so unique and special.
Thank you Caleb and Nathan … thanks to Julie for being a beautiful warm host.
Everyone, please please check out their works and follow their journeys!!! I am so grateful people like them exist and are doing such such such valuable meaningful work like this.
Caleb’s folk band “North Country Towers” and
Nathan’s bluegrass band “The Barrel Boys”
🧡🧡🧡
~
and thanks to the gorgeous orange sunrise over the Montreal skyline to give me the most peaceful morning walk to reflect on these thoughts.
