Tbh.

Tbh, I am an introvert. 

I’d love to just sit in my practice room perfecting my Mozart and write about the power of music. 

Tbh, I am often disillusioned with my dreams. 

I have doubts, many moments along the way when I ask, why on earth am I doing this? Why am I putting myself out there? Who cares. 

Because when I actually step out into the real world, it’s not all roses and rainbows. I try to reach people, and there’s always a risk. There could be blank stares, dismissive or annoyed nods - why are you bothering us? What are you trying to sell? The leg work - it’s not easy. Handing out posters one by one. It takes resilience, humility, courage. Yes, there are more heartwarming moments than discouraging ones. But it’s still not easy. 

Tbh, I am quite cynical. I can see all of this falling flat and I’ll just give a smug smirk, oh well, whatever. Whatever. 

Yet, the hopeless romantic in me still dreams, still trusts, still believes.

Every person matters. Each and everyone of you I talk to, I am taking such a big leap of faith. I am being vulnerable, I am genuinely offering my love for people, for music. Yet our world has conditioned us to be cautious, skeptical, defensive. And that’s okay. Every moment of everyday we’re learning and relearning how to be human, we learn how to speak to our neighbors, how to smile, how to receive a smile. 

For me, music opens doors. It creates pathways, connections, if you give it a chance. Okay, those sound like buzz words. The hopeless romantic is battling the cynic in me again. But I have taken that step outside my house. I want to live my dreams, even if they are not as beautiful as how they would remain inside my head. Because that IS the real beauty. This grungy messy world we live in. There are all kinds of people, all kinds of judgement, all kinds of biases. And we can so easily hide from all that. But at the same time, there is potential. There are moments that surprise me, that remind me: yes, it IS worth it. I do love sharing with people.

It’s not transactional. This process isn’t transactional. I’m not offering my love and and energy for something in return. Well, perhaps your time and attention. And yes, time is value. But can we move just slightly away from focusing on what we can get out of each investment, each relationship, and simply…be together. Be in an ecosystem of gift giving, generosity, reciprocity not because we feel obligated to, but because we care. We are community. 

All that is to say, this process is simply my hope that the sincerity will permeate. That you’ll also step out your door, maybe meet me halfway. Maybe. 

Yours, 

Tong