I have told this story to some before, but it’s important to retell.
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My heart has not been like this in a very long time. It’s not the attachment. It’s not just the exhaustion and rollercoaster of emotions. I am weeping alone, uncontrollably inside the Mazda parked on the curb of the Calgary airport departures zone after dropping off the final (and first) member of this festival because … because I am genuinely so, so grateful. I am so blessed. I feel the most raw, infinite tenderness.
It’s really about the people. For me, it’s all about the relationships, the connections. The sense of belonging. For each individual, each plant, for mom, for the composers, for my own wandering, yearning, romantic heart.
The people make it happen.
There is such kindness, such hope in our world. Such awe, such amazement in finding moments of connection, however brief, however unbelievable.
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It’s not transactional. This process isn’t transactional. I’m not offering my love and and energy for something in return. Well, perhaps your time and attention. And yes, time is value. But can we move just slightly away from focusing on what we can get out of each investment, each relationship, and simply…be together. Be in an ecosystem of gift giving, generosity, reciprocity not because we feel obligated to, but because we care. We are community.
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We all need reminders to soften. To notice we might be clenching our fists, distancing from those we love or whom love us, hiding behind our masks. I know I do. I’m on a continuous journey to reconnect with my capacity for warmth. And it’s really hard sometimes. But we have so many hidden treasures and friends around to help us: Totoro, Kiki, music, cats, cupcakes, sushi, a waft of fresh forest air, a silly random endearing connection with something, somewhere, anywhere.
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It’s the process, the noticing. That’s what we as artists are there to serve, as a portal to guide and facilitate this curiosity, imagination, attention, discovery. So how can I ask of your attention? That’s what I’m trying to find, what are the ways I can facilitate my audience entering into this magical world with me, to notice, to feel, to be filled with awe and wonder.
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